Coming out of the “Adoption Fog”
The Adoption Fog, or coming out of it – is a common term in the adoptee community. It’s a way to describe adoptee’s evolving understanding of their circumstances and upbringing, which may include viewing their experiences through the lens of loss, hardship, or trauma as opposed to gain, benefit, and gratitude.
Gratitude for not being aborted. Gratitude for being “chosen.” Gratitude for being “given” a family.
The expectation of gratitude originates from adoptee storytelling, which is often generated from the point of view of adoptive parents or families. This pressure to exude gratefulness and positivity about their adoption often prevents adoptees from investigating or expressing any painful or complex feelings about their lives or circumstances.
The option to feel negative emotions toward one’s family, origins, or circumstances is a privilege that non-adoptees are able to explore and navigate without a second thought (for example, growing up I was SHOCKED when I would see non-adoptee children yell at their parents “I hate you!” in the heat of an argument. Many adoptees are pressured from a young age to take responsibility for the emotions of adults around us when it comes to our adoption, and we can therefore develop a hyper-awareness around not saying or doing things that could potentially hurt our adoptive family’s feelings).
“Coming out of the fog” is a highly personal process that can occur at any age, and sometimes never occurs at all. Some adoptees do not resonate with the concept, while for others it is a momentous process that spans their whole lives. It’s worth noting that in some areas of the adoptee community, calling an adoptee “fogged” is used as a derogatory term or insult.
In recent times, adult adoptees and adoptee advocates have encouraged a shifting toward a new, less ambiguous term for this process, which was proposed by adoptees Susan F. Branco1, JaeRan Kim, Grace Newton, Stephanie Kripa Cooper-Lewter, and Paula O’Loughlin in their groundbreaking work “Out of the Fog and into Consciousness: A Model of Adoptee Awareness” – https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/adoptee-consciousness-model.pdf
FORK MOUNTAIN explores race, relationships, and society, but it is primarily an adoptee story. A portrayal of one adoptee’s experience stepping “out of the fog” and viewing her adoption in a new way – a way that deviates from the narrative that adoption is always a fairytale, happily ever after.